March

Instead of studying for coming forensic exam, I am blogging here.

My attachments after out-patient was at Galenical Pharmacy, honestly it was like a “de-stressing” therapy for me as the workload here was much simple as compared to other departments. Compounding was kinda fun for me especially with internal preparations, I was more excited when compounding for coloured ones XD. The attachment during there made me realized that many of the internal preparations in out-patient were prepared by Galenical unit. GMP were important and I always remind myself to produce preparations as though as I am supplying for my loved ones. You wouldn’t want anything wrong with what you’re serving for your family or friends right?

Well, first week for External and second week for Internal marked the end of my attachment there.

Later on, I was attached to another in-patient pharmacy, which is located just 2 levels above the Galenical unit. Considered it as my second time in in-patient despite of different location and slightly different rules as compared to the previous in-patient pharmacy, I tried my best to be error-free.  New things learned were the TPN calculations and supply of cytotoxic medications. 

Sometimes we do get very busy settling all the medications supply based on drug chart but most of the time I was quite free to read up for forensic exam (utilizing my time well huh? bleh…most of the things I have read did not diffuse into my brain in the end).

With the attachments of these two departments, there gone another 6 weeks. Time really flies now. I bet I won’t have time to update time by time until I finish my attachment at clinical departments (which will be few months later).

My next station will be in Drug Information Service, so close to the out-patient pharmacy. I need to get ready to go back to the super hectic and tension atmosphere VERY SOON.>.<

That is the end of my unorganized post for this time.

p/s: Still praying for PEACE here. Things get kinda critical in other areas and RUMUORS do spread like virus, some were too suspicious but still “succeed” in creating havoc among people. =(.

Adaptation

Maybe this is the after-effect of working two night shifts consecutively; I am still awake in this time. Normally I would be sleeping in this hour. It feels like no matter how many hours I have slept back to replace the lost ones, my body and SKIN would not tolerate these easily. (Signs of aging huh…>.<)

Out-patient department is my current rotation; the working environment is way too different as compared to in-patient pharmacy. With the pharmacy just being renovated, staffs and pharmacists just being transferred here, relocation of medications and documents, and new shift system being implemented in January, the consequence is disastrous.(personal opinion).  Patients ended up waited for much longer as too much unfamiliarity and also problem of OUT-OF-STOCKs for many common medications. =/. 

I still need to learn a lot, still making Mistakes, still blaming myself for under-equipped with knowledge. 

Time passes really fast while working in out-patient pharmacy as all of us are always busy and the working environment is always hectic. It happened one day that there were way too many patients, the pharmacy was so congested that some patients were required to wait at the OUTSIDE of the pharmacy.

Speaking Hakka is a big challenge for me as it is a norm for Sandakan people especially the elderly to communicate in Hakka. I am a pure Hakka. But sadly, I did not know how to SPEAK. (Still grateful that I am able to listen and understand it). Well, I can still manage the simple ones (eg how many tablets for how many times) but when it comes to instructions of usage. Bleh…….my “tak-cukup makan” skill wasn’t able to handle this and I have to repeat many times in Chinese just to reassure to patients that they understand clearly.  In fact, I can speak Cantonese way better than Hakka, what a shame one me.

Sometimes I do get emo, but I know the pathway I am going through and I am searching for satisfactions in working everyday. Some colleagues are really helpful and nice. Patients too are nice to me. They often ask me whether I am from west Malaysia, maybe I have the look of “non-local”. =P

I have moved out from previous place and staying with a new housemate currently.It caused me to spend higher for my monthly expenses as I am staying more far away from hospital but it is worthy for me. New bonds made and old bonds (not so old also) remain. I cherish every new friend I get to know here. =)

Still hoping I will be better day by day. Be Stronger as time goes.

Till here then.  

Lost

Being in in-patient pharmacy only exposed how incapable and lack of knowledge am I. =(

I have forgotten a lot of things which I have studied and once memorized back in Uni time. What made things worse is I did not get to learn a lot of other things which I am suppose to know compared with other Uni's pharmacy courses. It is not a time to blame my course/my Uni. (In fact I am done blaming with the course.). It is time (too late for now) to buck-up myself with what I am lacking off.

Mistakes, mistakes and again mistakes really made me angry and shamed on myself of not being able to pick-up faster. There is no excuse that I am still new here being that it's my 3rd week already.

Negativeness is overwhelming. Confidence is collapsed. 

Can I just NOT pretend that I am tough enough for few days?=/

The fear for tomorrow may not be disturbing for now. But I am certain that I will ruin my tomorrow due to the serious error I have made.

In past, I will throw myself to bed and manage to sleep when feeling emo. Later on, the purposely-eat-a-lot habit kicked in when I am in low mood. But for now, it is worse as I tend to spend A LOT of money buying stuffs randomly (just happened yesterday) PLUS eat-a-lot.>.<. This is bad...

Pray for tomorrow. Pray for future.

Where will I be?

瞬间生病

手心，额头，

瞬间，

冒冷汗。

腹部，绞痛，

支撑不了。

天旋地转。

慰问，关心，

寻求，援助，

一通电话。

感激，感恩，

不好意思。

朋友，

真的

谢谢你。

p/s:thanks Wei Yan for your kindness and help always.Sincerely appreciate lots~~~~~ =)

Another chapter of life begins

I am not a keen blogger, sometimes things just accumulated till I feel lazy to pour them from my getting-old memory.

So, I have been in Sandakan for 2 weeks. Yes, time somehow works its way and it’s my second week here in HDOK (Hospital Duchess of Kent). Reported in on 29^th Oct, seniors here were really helpful, even the staffs here are kind. Did my lapor diri at unit pengurusan, filled up pile of documents (wonder why we always need to fill up endless of our own particulars when we already submitted everything to government when applying for this post =.=). A prp here-Wei Yan brought me around from pharmacy satellite 1, pharmacy satellite 2, galenicals unit, male and female wards, and finally to out-patient pharmacy. They call it as Farmasi Klinik Pakar here.

In the past weeks, I have settled my name tag application at ICT department, claim procedures for my previous flight tickets and lastly applying a blue passport. Honestly, I did not know that even we Malaysian ourselves have to apply for another blue passport in order to stay in East Malaysia for more than 90 days. It is some sort of visa to me but I am curious why we have such system here since we are Malaysian. (1 Malaysia? >.<)

So, my first station in HDOK is Stor Integrasi, a separate building from hospital. In fact, it is located across a busy road at the opposite side of hospital. Met many new people along the way, tried my best to remember every one’s name. I can feel kindness everywhere.

Well, I am still adapting though. Low water pressure and black-out problems seem to be a norm here. So torch light is a must (I haven’t get it though). Even though it is the second largest town of Sabah after Kota Kinabalu, but I find it is less developed than I have expected, people here live a more simple life. Not to say that it is ulu here, as it is a much better place to be compared to other even “strange and new” places for me. I am still in a process of learning to be more grateful.

The first few new people I have met were Angie, Kwong Fei and Wei Yan. You guys might not get to read this here. But I am really grateful and appreciate lots and lots for all the help you guys have offered me. Seriously made me feel warm and easier in the process of settling down be it physically and mentally. Thanks a lot to Aina and Bo Kuan for giving me advices before I reach here, and not forgetting Andrew,Jason and Angie for helping me to get a room here. I need to thank to Mr Chong too, a local here who offered me and my family HUGE help by bringing us to housing areas to search for room and also brought us to Sepilok, Crocodile Farm, and the unique seafood bak-kut-teh. THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me along with this.  

Apart from all the new things happening around, I heard“heart-breaking” news.  Many of them who are also from West Malaysia have said that once you are posted to Sabah, it is super duper difficult for you to get a post back to west Malaysia for frp year. Sabah government always traps keeps people from Semenanjung for YEARS. Honestly, I was in total shock and dismay when heard about this. As my mind-set was to explore and gain more experiences throughout this prp year and go back to west Malaysia after that. Therefore, I did not appeal at the first place thinking that I would only appeal for frp year IF I still get posting to east Malaysia. After listening for so many real cases here, I understand how difficult it is to escape get transferred back to Sabah. The “great” point here is I am bonded to government for 6 years. 6 years! It is Too long for me. T.T. Anyhow, I know that there is nothing which I can do for NOW, what I should focus on now is my training and learning as prp here throughout this year. I should equipped myself with strong clinical knowledge (which I am seriously lacking now >.<) and understanding about the whole health-care delivery system particularly involving pharmacist.

That’s it for the “brief” overview of my life here. For my friends who are working like me/get posted to East Malaysia like me, let’s work through this together. Sharing and updating news with each other made me realize how under-equipped Mpharm students are.=(. We shall strive harder to be qualified as professionals.

Stay positive. Stay strong. 

Cheers.

Sandakan?

This post would be an aggressive one.

Despite the need to pack my luggage and belongings, settling all the problems, I am sitting in front laptop in a dimmed room writing this post.

I was waiting for placement to hospital for 3 months in past and had got the long-waited letter from government this Monday (while most of my friends received it earlier), I dislike hate the feeling of always waiting anxiously for something uncertain since we were informed via letter regarding on the state we were placed to.

Maybe Monday blue has its rules,I got my letter that day and knew where am I posted to.Tada Wtf!I am being sent to Sabah. The upset feeling of me alone being sent to a place so far from home "successfully" eaten me up.=(. I was more in shocked than upset actually. With news around,I know that many friends got their own choice of state except for a few. Among the few who didn't get their own choices of state, 2 are being posted to East Malaysia. How lucky we are (sarcastically..=X).

Practical issues soon kept me really busy for the past few days. Texts and calls from friends consoling me and wishing me lucks seemed to comfort me a bit. However, when I am the one settling all the practical issues which I can think of, from accommodation (the most important one), transportation (the 2nd most), flight, itinerary, etc, no matter how positive I ask myself to be, I feel upset and become more impatience. Those who did not get post to East Malaysia can hardly know how challenging difficult it is. 

Just imagine that you will only know which hospital you are posted to when you do your lapor diri in Sarawak, how could one possibly settle accommodation before hand? How about transportation?Seriously, what kind of policy is that?!Some officers in other states willingly answer to those who called/emailed to confirm the hospital on duty they've been posted to but this failed to persuade the officer in Sarawak. Still being "responsible" to their job by abiding to policies. They are not considerable at all.Grrhh....

I must be grateful that at least I get to know which hospital before hand so that I can arrange for my flights and accommodation there. Sandakan is the place where i will be spending 1 year. The hospital which I am going to report soon is Hospital Duchess of Kent, quite a glamorous name for me.

I started with accommodation, searching net around opening multiple tabs (I am still doing it now) just to check out whether there are available rooms for rent. In the end ended with nothing and insomnia. Thanks to Chun Yuan, I settled my accommodation the next day. You really had do me a super duper big favour. Sincerely appreciate the help you've offered.

So, next->transportation. Got my flight booked on tuesday night, spent hours till midnight just to ensure I got every details filled up correctly. (I felt tension when booking flight alone for others, parents are going with me by the way).

Imagine travelling without cars while you need to go malls to buy essentials (water bucket, study desk and etc etc)??At the same time need to start working in hospital, figuring out where are the locations for banks, restaurants and etc). Honestly I am not sure how would I do all these without a CAR.So, stop grumbling about travelling in unfamiliar places while you still have a car to drive on. (apologize for being aggressive.)

Seniors told me that many of them shipped their cars there, others bought a new one there. I opted for buying second-hand car initially with the thought of I am there for only 1 year and therefore it's easier just to have something simple and cheaper. Later on the decision of getting a new car instead of second-hand one is made after consideration. Here comes the problem, family arguments, feelings of being left alone to deal with all the matters deepens. I am not being fussy, I am just communicating with solid facts that how troublesome and how limited time I have.Till now, I feel annoyed and fed up.Am I too demanding?Or you are not supportive at all??=(

3days left to settle the remaining issues. All kind of things which I will only think of when I am the one posted there. Dealing with banks, drove to different branches for 3 times just to get a signature, the sudden thought of "I need to get a braodband" since no internet access in the room I've booked, bla bla bla and etc....really challenged me and making me annoying.

Negativeness won its battle against positiveness. They shall fight with each other again tomorrow.>.<.

I believe, I will feel much better once I've settled down there. The positive mind says:"Take it as a learning experience.". Salute to those who travelled and settled down alone.

When I get to know that 2 friends have got the same hospital, I can't avoid to feel slightly upset. With the thought that "How unfair it is, to get the hospital so near to home". Feeling guilty to have this feeling but feels alone when the thought of going so far away. Still need some time to adjust my mindset and hopefully I will accept it with open heart in few months time.

Problems still unsolved, and I couldn't do anything for now.=(. To those who get placement in west Malaysia, if you have grouches on the problems you're facing, maybe you will feel better by thinking how hard challenging it is to get posted to East Malaysia.

Thinking that I would be in Sandakan already next week. Can't deny that I am scared and worry. Just hope it will turn out to be good.

Hence end this annoying post..and me..=X