Lost

Being in in-patient pharmacy only exposed how incapable and lack of knowledge am I. =(

I have forgotten a lot of things which I have studied and once memorized back in Uni time. What made things worse is I did not get to learn a lot of other things which I am suppose to know compared with other Uni's pharmacy courses. It is not a time to blame my course/my Uni. (In fact I am done blaming with the course.). It is time (too late for now) to buck-up myself with what I am lacking off.

Mistakes, mistakes and again mistakes really made me angry and shamed on myself of not being able to pick-up faster. There is no excuse that I am still new here being that it's my 3rd week already.

Negativeness is overwhelming. Confidence is collapsed. 

Can I just NOT pretend that I am tough enough for few days?=/

The fear for tomorrow may not be disturbing for now. But I am certain that I will ruin my tomorrow due to the serious error I have made.

In past, I will throw myself to bed and manage to sleep when feeling emo. Later on, the purposely-eat-a-lot habit kicked in when I am in low mood. But for now, it is worse as I tend to spend A LOT of money buying stuffs randomly (just happened yesterday) PLUS eat-a-lot.>.<. This is bad...

Pray for tomorrow. Pray for future.

Where will I be?

瞬间生病

手心，额头，

瞬间，

冒冷汗。

腹部，绞痛，

支撑不了。

天旋地转。

慰问，关心，

寻求，援助，

一通电话。

感激，感恩，

不好意思。

朋友，

真的

谢谢你。

p/s:thanks Wei Yan for your kindness and help always.Sincerely appreciate lots~~~~~ =)

Another chapter of life begins

I am not a keen blogger, sometimes things just accumulated till I feel lazy to pour them from my getting-old memory.

So, I have been in Sandakan for 2 weeks. Yes, time somehow works its way and it’s my second week here in HDOK (Hospital Duchess of Kent). Reported in on 29^th Oct, seniors here were really helpful, even the staffs here are kind. Did my lapor diri at unit pengurusan, filled up pile of documents (wonder why we always need to fill up endless of our own particulars when we already submitted everything to government when applying for this post =.=). A prp here-Wei Yan brought me around from pharmacy satellite 1, pharmacy satellite 2, galenicals unit, male and female wards, and finally to out-patient pharmacy. They call it as Farmasi Klinik Pakar here.

In the past weeks, I have settled my name tag application at ICT department, claim procedures for my previous flight tickets and lastly applying a blue passport. Honestly, I did not know that even we Malaysian ourselves have to apply for another blue passport in order to stay in East Malaysia for more than 90 days. It is some sort of visa to me but I am curious why we have such system here since we are Malaysian. (1 Malaysia? >.<)

So, my first station in HDOK is Stor Integrasi, a separate building from hospital. In fact, it is located across a busy road at the opposite side of hospital. Met many new people along the way, tried my best to remember every one’s name. I can feel kindness everywhere.

Well, I am still adapting though. Low water pressure and black-out problems seem to be a norm here. So torch light is a must (I haven’t get it though). Even though it is the second largest town of Sabah after Kota Kinabalu, but I find it is less developed than I have expected, people here live a more simple life. Not to say that it is ulu here, as it is a much better place to be compared to other even “strange and new” places for me. I am still in a process of learning to be more grateful.

The first few new people I have met were Angie, Kwong Fei and Wei Yan. You guys might not get to read this here. But I am really grateful and appreciate lots and lots for all the help you guys have offered me. Seriously made me feel warm and easier in the process of settling down be it physically and mentally. Thanks a lot to Aina and Bo Kuan for giving me advices before I reach here, and not forgetting Andrew,Jason and Angie for helping me to get a room here. I need to thank to Mr Chong too, a local here who offered me and my family HUGE help by bringing us to housing areas to search for room and also brought us to Sepilok, Crocodile Farm, and the unique seafood bak-kut-teh. THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me along with this.  

Apart from all the new things happening around, I heard“heart-breaking” news.  Many of them who are also from West Malaysia have said that once you are posted to Sabah, it is super duper difficult for you to get a post back to west Malaysia for frp year. Sabah government always traps keeps people from Semenanjung for YEARS. Honestly, I was in total shock and dismay when heard about this. As my mind-set was to explore and gain more experiences throughout this prp year and go back to west Malaysia after that. Therefore, I did not appeal at the first place thinking that I would only appeal for frp year IF I still get posting to east Malaysia. After listening for so many real cases here, I understand how difficult it is to escape get transferred back to Sabah. The “great” point here is I am bonded to government for 6 years. 6 years! It is Too long for me. T.T. Anyhow, I know that there is nothing which I can do for NOW, what I should focus on now is my training and learning as prp here throughout this year. I should equipped myself with strong clinical knowledge (which I am seriously lacking now >.<) and understanding about the whole health-care delivery system particularly involving pharmacist.

That’s it for the “brief” overview of my life here. For my friends who are working like me/get posted to East Malaysia like me, let’s work through this together. Sharing and updating news with each other made me realize how under-equipped Mpharm students are.=(. We shall strive harder to be qualified as professionals.

Stay positive. Stay strong. 

Cheers.

Sandakan?

This post would be an aggressive one.

Despite the need to pack my luggage and belongings, settling all the problems, I am sitting in front laptop in a dimmed room writing this post.

I was waiting for placement to hospital for 3 months in past and had got the long-waited letter from government this Monday (while most of my friends received it earlier), I dislike hate the feeling of always waiting anxiously for something uncertain since we were informed via letter regarding on the state we were placed to.

Maybe Monday blue has its rules,I got my letter that day and knew where am I posted to.Tada Wtf!I am being sent to Sabah. The upset feeling of me alone being sent to a place so far from home "successfully" eaten me up.=(. I was more in shocked than upset actually. With news around,I know that many friends got their own choice of state except for a few. Among the few who didn't get their own choices of state, 2 are being posted to East Malaysia. How lucky we are (sarcastically..=X).

Practical issues soon kept me really busy for the past few days. Texts and calls from friends consoling me and wishing me lucks seemed to comfort me a bit. However, when I am the one settling all the practical issues which I can think of, from accommodation (the most important one), transportation (the 2nd most), flight, itinerary, etc, no matter how positive I ask myself to be, I feel upset and become more impatience. Those who did not get post to East Malaysia can hardly know how challenging difficult it is. 

Just imagine that you will only know which hospital you are posted to when you do your lapor diri in Sarawak, how could one possibly settle accommodation before hand? How about transportation?Seriously, what kind of policy is that?!Some officers in other states willingly answer to those who called/emailed to confirm the hospital on duty they've been posted to but this failed to persuade the officer in Sarawak. Still being "responsible" to their job by abiding to policies. They are not considerable at all.Grrhh....

I must be grateful that at least I get to know which hospital before hand so that I can arrange for my flights and accommodation there. Sandakan is the place where i will be spending 1 year. The hospital which I am going to report soon is Hospital Duchess of Kent, quite a glamorous name for me.

I started with accommodation, searching net around opening multiple tabs (I am still doing it now) just to check out whether there are available rooms for rent. In the end ended with nothing and insomnia. Thanks to Chun Yuan, I settled my accommodation the next day. You really had do me a super duper big favour. Sincerely appreciate the help you've offered.

So, next->transportation. Got my flight booked on tuesday night, spent hours till midnight just to ensure I got every details filled up correctly. (I felt tension when booking flight alone for others, parents are going with me by the way).

Imagine travelling without cars while you need to go malls to buy essentials (water bucket, study desk and etc etc)??At the same time need to start working in hospital, figuring out where are the locations for banks, restaurants and etc). Honestly I am not sure how would I do all these without a CAR.So, stop grumbling about travelling in unfamiliar places while you still have a car to drive on. (apologize for being aggressive.)

Seniors told me that many of them shipped their cars there, others bought a new one there. I opted for buying second-hand car initially with the thought of I am there for only 1 year and therefore it's easier just to have something simple and cheaper. Later on the decision of getting a new car instead of second-hand one is made after consideration. Here comes the problem, family arguments, feelings of being left alone to deal with all the matters deepens. I am not being fussy, I am just communicating with solid facts that how troublesome and how limited time I have.Till now, I feel annoyed and fed up.Am I too demanding?Or you are not supportive at all??=(

3days left to settle the remaining issues. All kind of things which I will only think of when I am the one posted there. Dealing with banks, drove to different branches for 3 times just to get a signature, the sudden thought of "I need to get a braodband" since no internet access in the room I've booked, bla bla bla and etc....really challenged me and making me annoying.

Negativeness won its battle against positiveness. They shall fight with each other again tomorrow.>.<.

I believe, I will feel much better once I've settled down there. The positive mind says:"Take it as a learning experience.". Salute to those who travelled and settled down alone.

When I get to know that 2 friends have got the same hospital, I can't avoid to feel slightly upset. With the thought that "How unfair it is, to get the hospital so near to home". Feeling guilty to have this feeling but feels alone when the thought of going so far away. Still need some time to adjust my mindset and hopefully I will accept it with open heart in few months time.

Problems still unsolved, and I couldn't do anything for now.=(. To those who get placement in west Malaysia, if you have grouches on the problems you're facing, maybe you will feel better by thinking how hard challenging it is to get posted to East Malaysia.

Thinking that I would be in Sandakan already next week. Can't deny that I am scared and worry. Just hope it will turn out to be good.

Hence end this annoying post..and me..=X

Edinburgh

Well, I am too free till I am planning to blog about my past travel experience. My memory isn’t good nowadays due to the increased age XD and I would dig deep from my pool of memory to write my past experiences.

First “outstation” which I went for when I first arrived UK was to visit Edinburgh, the capital city of Scotland. We travelled by bus and unexpectedly, the journey turned out to be unpleasant as some of us (including me) suffered from motion sickness and some of my friends even threw up in the bus. That was a new experience for me as I realized that even though UK has much better public transportation system than Malaysia but somehow I couldn’t adapt to the way the bus sways and bumps. (I never rarely had motion sickness back in Malaysia! ><). I had even worst experience after the first time and this caused me to prepare anti-emetics every time when I travel afterwards. (even after back to Malaysia ><).

Oh..I am crapping..XD…let’s talk about Edinburgh. It is an old city with long history. I could see ancient buildings with magnificent architecture in this city. This is quite different when compared to Glasgow which is much more modern overall. Stones which made up the pavement with bridges and parks, and lots of souvenirs shops selling a combination of traditional and modern stuffs were the first impression I had for Edinburgh. Oh yes, and the sunshine! Glasgow was always windy and drizzling and we were kinda excited when we visited Edinburgh for the first time due to its sunny weather and we could see people lay on the park sun-bathing or reading. 

Throughout the one year in UK, I had been to Edinburgh for 7 times, whether as purposely visiting or as a place where I begun or end my journey for vacation. I still find it new despite the number of times I’ve visited as I can always explore new things there.

Talking about Edinburgh, about Scotland, one thing which can’t be missed is the street performance found in the city. Scottish man or youth who wears the traditional Scottish kilt with a bagpipe performing those unique music can easily be found in Edinburgh. (Sometimes in Glasgow but the chance is low). 

Most of the attractions spots were within walking distance. The achievement which made us proud was that we were able to climb up to the top of a hill named Arthur’s Seat which is 822 ft height. The feeling of satisfaction and exhaustion was definitely one of my great experiences. 

Other landmarks which I have visited were The Edinburgh Monument, Calton Hill, The Palace of Holyroodhouse and not forgetting the Edinburgh Castle.

I remember I visited this city for the second time to join the count-down party (Edinburgh’s Hogmanay) and it was huge with a lot of people around. My 2012 officially begun in Edinburgh. =P

Here are some photos taken in combination with different visiting times.=)

Edinburgh Monument (with the blue sky behind)

Nice weather =)

Calton Hill

Local people enjoying sunshine with their pets and even guitar

See how I enjoyed the weather..bleh..

Man with traditional kilt and bagpipe

First time went out together for pubbing and clubbing =)

The compound of University of Edinburgh

Weird creature found in National Gallery Scotland (Ok it is actually a clock)

 Edinburgh has a lot more to offer, but I couldn't write down all.It is worth visiting this city which is immersed in its own unique history and architecture.

Till here then.  

Changed

Time flies

sometimes,

for those stressful or happy moments,

a flip or a blink,

they passed.

time craws

sometimes,

for those memories and flasbacks,

still,

they are there.

even though there's glimpse of hope,

but things will never be the same.

Flash back

Laziness has totally eaten me up =(, every time when I wanted to do something it would end up slacking and time wasted. Definitely need more determination =S.

Updates updates~

Like the Halloween dinner we had last time, we had another one for our Christmas Dinner, it was my first time celebrating Christmas. I pictured a white Christmas with making snowman experience before arriving Glasgow, apparently the weather for this year is warmer (it is still COLD for me ><) and it had only snowed for 2 days in Glasgow and that was before Christmas. 

Menu of our Christmas dinner:

Roast Turkey, Mashed Potato, Vegetables Salad, Gingerbread man cookies, Mushroom soup, some ready-made fried food,Tiramisu cake and some alcohos. =P

Some pictures here

Roast turkey by master-serene.tasted superb

My first try of making mashed potato, was satisfied with the outcome =)

Had some fun in decorating the cookies

We exchanged gifts with each other =)

My cute X'mas gift from Kai Chi.

We had some games after the dinner and had the craziest punishment. Awesome night for us. =). The super random us even had pan mee as our supper for that night. =P

The day after Christmas was Boxing Day, a shopping day for us!XD We headed to city to shop as most branded stores had SALE for that day, you can really get some super cheap yet branded stuffs on that day. Nevertheless, still need to control my budget. My purse would be yelling at me again =P.

That’s what I’ve bought =P

It was considered as a last-minute decision, I have visited Edinburgh for second time to celebrate New Year. Coincidentally, the JPA and MARA students meeting with Dato’ Seri  Mohamed Nazri  Abdul Aziz was at Edinburgh too so I’ve attended. It was a pleasant meeting. 

Q and A session

Group photo of students from Edinburgh

Group photo of "non-Edinburgh" students

On New Year ’s Eve, we have joined the Edinburgh Hogmanay Street Party. There were live stage performances and concert. It was super crowded and everyone was so excited for the countdown. I even witness a proposal with a paper-made ring just in front of us and the girl was so happy.  The pity part of being short is that I could not see the performance most of the time as I’m too easy to be blocked by others.><

I have spent my last minute of 2011 with Sze Yee. We were separated from others as sze yee was not feeling well and we have went in to the first aid room set up in a church (a new experience for me). I can hardly feel anything when the countdown started and ended with the fireworks. My mind was blank at that moment. Heart was whispering:  “this isn’t real, 2011 is too rapid, I haven’t prepare for 2012 yet!” ><. 

Fireworks of the Hogmanay Street Party

Happy 2012!

I should be bundled up with fear and determination. =/

Well, last words for this post

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012 =)

Hope all of you would have a great year ahead and take care always.