System down

The stress level exceed my usual threshold, hence a post here.

Have been wondering for a question since I took over current department for long: how the system and applications have been working in past?  It really upset me recently after I realized how the system USED to work and how it is NOT for now since recent years. What is the point if I keep on pushing for the proper system/workflow while the rest have been comfortably escaped from the “Should-do” part? The frustration haunted me since then. What drove me more annoyed is the ignorance of some groups whom just issues statement or reminder without enforcing the proper system.

I deal mostly with documentation daily. It did make me feel like losing a role in such system when I have no power to control the superior ones to follow those simple procedures. In the end, same question again, what is my stand and what is the point if I work hard to push all these while other parties sometimes follow and most of the times did not?

*No point to raise this issue to higher authority as I foresee the reply already”

I.am.stuck. I could be ignorant and just let go. But this would not be the way I want.

Psychological instability leads to reduced efficiency. Great *sarcastically”

Proper System/Work flow? Nah….

Babble

Perhaps it is human’s nature to magnify errors and negativeness instead of appreciating efforts and motivation.

Things which cross my mind recently

-Colleagues tend to remember how frequent you applied annual leaves or hours-off but not how frequent you stayed back for extra work. Even though you worked very hard for the period before you went on annual leave.

-Do not simply believe in words mentioned by others. Sometimes (MANY times), it could be just plainly blank promises or words to comfort you temporarily. Always be caution. I am not encouraging you (if you’re reading this) to be always suspicion towards others. This is more applicable to working environment. Real case witnessed or heard and this definitely changed my perspective of handling words during conversations. =/

-I really need to put up my effort and courage to say NO. =(. It is been some time, which I feel that I am doing more than what I am supposed to. This sounds like I am the lazy one who refuses to do extra work/tasks. Believe me, as time goes, with experiences gained here, I learnt the fact that I am not superwoman who could handle so many tasks. In fact, focusing on the core works and excel in them is much better than juggling all kinds of random tasks without full commitment to each. But….yeah…I am stuck in this situation now. It is forever easy to just say/declare what you (or ME) think you should do but DIFFICULT to reject when it comes to face-to-face situation.  (Difference between expectations and real-life situations).

-You will not truly understand another person’s feeling when you’re not in their shoes. So, I have long given up saying: “I understand how it feels”. One will never understand that unless she/he is in the same circumstance. All of us have different types of problems and stresses in different departments, what I can do is to only listen without much helpful actions. Sometimes this stop me from babbling, people has their own problems so why bother them with yours? 

-Things change with time. It is indeed a solid fact. It still upset me when I realized the friendships built have gradually changed, with distance growing between each other. What makes thing worse is that I often put the blame on myself. Maybe it was me who caused this to happen? Maybe it was because work-related issues which caused dissatisfactions on me?...

Feeling emotionally unstable recently and I know it is bad. It affects my efficiency and productivity. I am trying best to find passion and interest in current working environment. However, with less and less patients’ contact/communication and more and more documentations/clerk’s works, I wonder how long would I be able to stay? Attitude plays vital role here, and I am still adjusting to stay motivated and positive (kind of like failing on this)

Just a random post anyway.