Happy New Year

It’s almost 2.30am and I’m blogging here..sh*t…

Maybe this will be a simple and short one since I already written a long one in Chinese.

Honestly, I’m very disappointed..of what I’ve got (which is nothing) after I purposely did something . Maybe I should really give up since so many temptations around YOU and your fragility, uncertainty and effortless actions …=(..I should say..I’m just a fool…

It’s towards the end of 2010..I’m here to wish all of my friends and family-HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance. Wishing it early as I probably won’t be this “passionate” to write out something during that time due to the haven’t-finish-revision for coming class tests. Therefore-Happy New Year 2011.=)

A new year, A new life. A brand new start..hopefully.

It’s December

This month seems to be very happening to me. Went to Hatyai (I still wonder why people pronounce as “hap zai”) with family, went Jogoya with the cuties and joined another group for pre-Christmas party. =)

Mentioning about Hatyai trip, the experience was okay, not much of fun but I treat it as a good way to explore and know other country’s life and people. I’m lazy to upload photos here as I have already uploaded some on facebook. Didn’t take much pictures though.

For Jogoya, it was another new experience for me as I never try it before that. Well it is obviously that my stomach’s capacity cannot accommodate the amount of food which I have paid but I was quite excited to try it. Had fun with the pretties there and we snapped a lot of photos. =)

It was the first time I joined eng hui’s group for outing (pre-Christmas party) and it was enjoyable. I haven’t have BBQ for ages and it was fun “burning” the food and just purely talking and joking with those whom I seldom interact. =). Took some alcohol during the party and surprisingly I didn’t develop any rashes or allergic. A good sign for me? =P. Maybe it is just because the alcohol taken was much diluted. I notice that the bottle of the Vodka was same as the one I saw in Yaw Wen’s party, just that the one I took was Mandarin-flavoured. (I’m not alcoholic! XD).

Getting annoyed by my body’s metabolism recently, I feel HUNGRY easily nowadays but once I get some food to feed my stomach I will get full soon (as usual) >.<. This troubles me especially during lectures. I purposely take breakfast before attending classes and still the hunger hunts me. Hated the feeling of hungry and stomach’s drumming (embarrassed >.<).   Still I cannot consume “larger volume” of food for normal meal times with my abnormal metabolism. =/

Should have started my revision (CLASS TESTS coming soon =S) and yet I’m blogging here. The laziness totally infected me today (perhaps already weeks >.<). Elaine! You know the consequences of slacking down and relaxing too much! A note on qian hui’s room: Do not ever give yourself reason to be lazy! But I am tempted to many things and failed to control myself and be motivated. =( This makes me miss my pre-U housemate- Dee as she was so diligent in study and good in motivating me in studies.

2010 is almost ending and I feel like writing something for myself. Maybe another post for it.

Till here then.

A Moment

Let tears wash away my sadness,
Then I'll be tougher to face failures and obstacles.
Let myself drown into sea of tears and swim in it,
Then I'll be united with it and survive in it.

I used to ask myself not to cry as it means weak and not tough at all, but as I'm growing older, I feel better to let my tears down rather than bottle up everything.

teary moments....

I know....

I know I shouldn't, and I know once I started, I will find it hard to stop..it is the Tears..I'm controlling, distracting myself to do some other stuffs (Not STUDYING) so that the rush will fade. =(

I know I shouldn't, TIME passes and yet I haven't recover. I blame myself for being weak and fragile, for being the Emo Queen always. A friend said this type of emo can be considered as chronic. =/

I know I shouldn't, I should have controlled my mind and let go. Sometimes it is just HARD for me to forget. Wish that I can shut down the negative parts. =(

Maybe this will just surprise friends around me as I look more cheerful and "normal" recently. With the jokes and lame around with them, I am "perfectly" fine out there. Yes, I am. When it all comes to myself, NO, I'm not. Sorry I'm babbling like an idiot. Sorry for those who always bear with my sick attitudes. Without you guys, I can't imagine how am I now. Those hanging out and meeting up moments save me from throwing myself into the bad "flash-backs".

I know I shouldn't, shouldn't always portray the "always-emo-annoying-attitude" to people around me (I tend to do this on facebook =/). I know I shouldn't, shouldn't always stuck and rip myself with all the scars and lies. 

Life without YOU IS not easy, but life with YOU WAS too dramatic till I can no longer stand and hold on and even breathe.=''(

Sometimes it is just hard, but thanks to Shin Hui, it is true that those times would be meaningless if life is easy.

Stop babbling...=/

News

I am getting better, I hope I will. But the news I've just received is depressing me. Another break up. =(

It was never expected for them, they look so sweet with each other and been together for such a long time. It makes me realize that it is not about TIME, we never know whether a couple can last till the end or not except themselves. Who says that the bird lovers who have been together for 10years cannot end with breaking up? and who says that those who have coupled for less than a year or even months cannot get married?

She was the one who gave me comfort during my worst period and I never want her to have the same situation like me. Too many break ups for this year around me, too many sad stories, too many scars and too many tears. Even a friend who hasn't experience love told me that all the things she sees and listens are discouraging her. Sorry girl, but do believe in Love. It makes us (at least for me) to grow and learn many lessons. I want to choose to believe that there are still hope and faith in love like those I've seen around me.

Deep inside I still hope the two can solve those problems and reunite. I know I'm just an outsider and know nothing about their problems. But what I see is the two who loves each other being torn apart by views and external factors. Maybe it is just my little wish.

Wasting my time all the day just sleeping.>.<..the headache is getting better after popping in the commonest pill-Panadol..or should I say Paracetamol as a future pharmacist?>.<

Girl, I hope you can stay strong. Like what you've told me, it is okay to fall and be sad but make sure that you stand and be alive after that. I do need that as well. <3

For those who are reading this, appreciate the one you have and cherish him/her. For those who are under crisis, talk to the one and hopefully solve the problems together. For those who had just lost their directions (like me?), STAY STRONG always. Leaf needs to be strong too.=/

Sorrow

Darn it...I feel like crying now...T.T

Why am I so stupid to feel that hurts till now..=(

Sorry for those who hope I'll be stronger.Sorry for myself too..

New semester begins

It is my second week of semester 5 in IMU. I feel down today, losing energy and passion to do things especially in revision. I’m very impress of those friends who can keep up their spirit to do the pre-reading and post-reading for every lectures. I’m accumulating even it is only week 2. Sounds bad..>.<

Don’t feel like doing anything today. All the words that go into brain never stay. For the first time since I came back here, I feel emo. I have tried to be more ‘smiley” and it worked for past week. Today the spell isn’t working on me and I just hope this feeling will fade when I wake up tomorrow. There are still bunch of things to do.>.<

Did promise myself that this should be a cheerful blog since my Chinese blog is much more emo. Trying to find a balance and find back myself.  There are still bigger things outside the world and I know that I have many great friends around me who are willing to hold me when I drown into sorrow.

We were mentally being stressed up by those briefings with our dean and coordinator. At least I was. They repetitively brought up the issues of pass marks and CMA (cumulative average mark).  They stressed us up reminded us that our life will be very hard in Glasgow if we do not put more effort in academic now. The more depressing one was we might need to re-take our IELTS if new policy is being enforced. Praying hard that we don’t need to go through it again.>.<

I’m writing here instead of revising my lectures. Not in the mood today for everything. Wanted to throw myself to bed but was not able to fall asleep just now.

Please, I’m hoping that my menstrual cramp won’t get worst.

And I’m hoping that tomorrow my world shines brighter.

p/s:Thanks to those who lend me their ears and gave me comfort during my worst time. *hugs*