A Moment

Let tears wash away my sadness,
Then I'll be tougher to face failures and obstacles.
Let myself drown into sea of tears and swim in it,
Then I'll be united with it and survive in it.

I used to ask myself not to cry as it means weak and not tough at all, but as I'm growing older, I feel better to let my tears down rather than bottle up everything.

teary moments....

I know....

I know I shouldn't, and I know once I started, I will find it hard to stop..it is the Tears..I'm controlling, distracting myself to do some other stuffs (Not STUDYING) so that the rush will fade. =(

I know I shouldn't, TIME passes and yet I haven't recover. I blame myself for being weak and fragile, for being the Emo Queen always. A friend said this type of emo can be considered as chronic. =/

I know I shouldn't, I should have controlled my mind and let go. Sometimes it is just HARD for me to forget. Wish that I can shut down the negative parts. =(

Maybe this will just surprise friends around me as I look more cheerful and "normal" recently. With the jokes and lame around with them, I am "perfectly" fine out there. Yes, I am. When it all comes to myself, NO, I'm not. Sorry I'm babbling like an idiot. Sorry for those who always bear with my sick attitudes. Without you guys, I can't imagine how am I now. Those hanging out and meeting up moments save me from throwing myself into the bad "flash-backs".

I know I shouldn't, shouldn't always portray the "always-emo-annoying-attitude" to people around me (I tend to do this on facebook =/). I know I shouldn't, shouldn't always stuck and rip myself with all the scars and lies. 

Life without YOU IS not easy, but life with YOU WAS too dramatic till I can no longer stand and hold on and even breathe.=''(

Sometimes it is just hard, but thanks to Shin Hui, it is true that those times would be meaningless if life is easy.

Stop babbling...=/

News

I am getting better, I hope I will. But the news I've just received is depressing me. Another break up. =(

It was never expected for them, they look so sweet with each other and been together for such a long time. It makes me realize that it is not about TIME, we never know whether a couple can last till the end or not except themselves. Who says that the bird lovers who have been together for 10years cannot end with breaking up? and who says that those who have coupled for less than a year or even months cannot get married?

She was the one who gave me comfort during my worst period and I never want her to have the same situation like me. Too many break ups for this year around me, too many sad stories, too many scars and too many tears. Even a friend who hasn't experience love told me that all the things she sees and listens are discouraging her. Sorry girl, but do believe in Love. It makes us (at least for me) to grow and learn many lessons. I want to choose to believe that there are still hope and faith in love like those I've seen around me.

Deep inside I still hope the two can solve those problems and reunite. I know I'm just an outsider and know nothing about their problems. But what I see is the two who loves each other being torn apart by views and external factors. Maybe it is just my little wish.

Wasting my time all the day just sleeping.>.<..the headache is getting better after popping in the commonest pill-Panadol..or should I say Paracetamol as a future pharmacist?>.<

Girl, I hope you can stay strong. Like what you've told me, it is okay to fall and be sad but make sure that you stand and be alive after that. I do need that as well. <3

For those who are reading this, appreciate the one you have and cherish him/her. For those who are under crisis, talk to the one and hopefully solve the problems together. For those who had just lost their directions (like me?), STAY STRONG always. Leaf needs to be strong too.=/

Sorrow

Darn it...I feel like crying now...T.T

Why am I so stupid to feel that hurts till now..=(

Sorry for those who hope I'll be stronger.Sorry for myself too..

New semester begins

It is my second week of semester 5 in IMU. I feel down today, losing energy and passion to do things especially in revision. I’m very impress of those friends who can keep up their spirit to do the pre-reading and post-reading for every lectures. I’m accumulating even it is only week 2. Sounds bad..>.<

Don’t feel like doing anything today. All the words that go into brain never stay. For the first time since I came back here, I feel emo. I have tried to be more ‘smiley” and it worked for past week. Today the spell isn’t working on me and I just hope this feeling will fade when I wake up tomorrow. There are still bunch of things to do.>.<

Did promise myself that this should be a cheerful blog since my Chinese blog is much more emo. Trying to find a balance and find back myself.  There are still bigger things outside the world and I know that I have many great friends around me who are willing to hold me when I drown into sorrow.

We were mentally being stressed up by those briefings with our dean and coordinator. At least I was. They repetitively brought up the issues of pass marks and CMA (cumulative average mark).  They stressed us up reminded us that our life will be very hard in Glasgow if we do not put more effort in academic now. The more depressing one was we might need to re-take our IELTS if new policy is being enforced. Praying hard that we don’t need to go through it again.>.<

I’m writing here instead of revising my lectures. Not in the mood today for everything. Wanted to throw myself to bed but was not able to fall asleep just now.

Please, I’m hoping that my menstrual cramp won’t get worst.

And I’m hoping that tomorrow my world shines brighter.

p/s:Thanks to those who lend me their ears and gave me comfort during my worst time. *hugs*

Randoms

I have to admit that I'm a lazy blogger. Well, things did happen just that sometimes I rather not to write out those unhappy moments so that I would not remember. Passive thinking.>.<.

Gone through those tears and hurts moments, not sure whether I have mentally recovered..=(..Time can be a Cure, but in the other way it can be a Killer.

The disadvantage of having too long holiday is I'm too free to think lots of stuffs. Well, I tend to "Think too much" to many people's opinions. But sometimes what I thought or worry about did come true. Just like wishes come true?=/..

Oh no, had promised myself that this would be a more cheerful blog.>.<..

Saw a quote from unknown:
“ If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can’t be solved.”

For me it is a nice one but it is hard to apply actually. =/

Kinda looking forward to start my new semester in IMU, may be this is another disadvantage of having long break?=P But I do enjoy slacking at my cozy home even for days doing nothing, or reading or simply drama marathon. =). Guess I would dead for this kind of leisure time once I started study.

Ok. That’s all for this random blog. Another quote to share with anyone who read this:

“There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is YOU.”
By David Burns, Intimate Connections

Cheers to everyone. =)

It's Septmeber

Another month had passed; last month was very happening to me. The nerves when waiting for my semester 4 result, the organization and preparation of my friend (Yaw Wen)'s birthday, and the joyful moments with secondary school friends and besties, and blab la bla…I had a lot of fun.=)

Only started to enjoy my sem break after I got my result. I went back kl for few days to spend time with friends and boyfriend. Feel great to be able to participate in buying all the raw ingredients of our stemboat(yes we made steamboat!=D)and preparing the soups. Though I just helped out a bit since there were good chefs (our Shin Hui, Li Hui and..hmm..Carrie..=P)to do the flavourings.

Oh ya, one lesson I have learnt from that gathering is NEVER take alcoholic drinks again. >.<.I do know that I am allergic to alcohols last time but the past experiences were about drinking MORE and getting red spot over the body and constant itchiness. That was the third time I took alcoholic drink and it was just a small glass of WINE which contains low alcohol level. But guess what, I felt very sick after taking it and even vomited few times like people who had drunk. The experience was not fun at all. It was like forcing my stomach to empty all its contents even though it was already emptied. My friends were enjoying their Vodka and I was suffering from the past effect till the next day with expected spots and itchiness.=/

Apart from that, I did enjoy a lot.=). Spending time with friends and “laming” with them were really put my holiday mood to the max. =D. I would not upload any photos here about the gathering since friends already uploaded all in facebook.

I shall stop reminiscing and talk about present. It’s September(finally I mention my article’s title =P).Fellow MQ batchmates are flying soon, knew that they went through a lot of troubles in the process of applying Visa and getting CAS letter and also all the documents settled. I will miss them a lot.=(. The class would be very quiet from next semester onwards without them.  I shall wish them to have great time in Glasgow and we will meet again next year.=D. Take care!!!!!!

p/s: Sze Yee, must take good care of yourself in Scotland.*hugs*